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Step-by-step guide to fix unhealthy father daughter relationship Psychology: father daughter relationships; re-establish independence of mind

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There are many suggestions on how to fix an unhealthy father-daughter relationship, and there is a tonne of healing dad and daughter quotes too. There are also many types of bad father-daughter relationships, including neglectful ones and abusive ones. Father daughter relationships psychology can help re-establish independence of mind and free the daughter from the father’s shadow.

Can we ignore our maternal and paternal experiences and move on? The simple answer is no. What we can do, though, it is to unravel the positives and negatives from those experiences and extinguish or amplify the elements we choose.

The father-daughter subject is highly emotive

One of the dad and daughter quotes states: “My dad broke my heart way before any boy had a chance to,” while another says, nostalgically, “A daughter needs a dad; to stand with her on the day she marries the man she hopes will be just like her father.” Yet another declares, “I may find my prince someday, but my daddy will always be my king.” This other one warns dad, that “Having kids doesn’t make you a father; raising them does.”

Such is the emotive nature of the complex father-daughter relationship. And within each of these quotes lies the enduring influence of dad over daughter, and the adult rebellion against bad father-daughter relationships and negative influences of unhealthy father daughter relationship of yester-years.

Daughters facing a challenge with their dads may choose to keep mum about it, and even pretend he is a great dad if her peers are full of stories about their wonderful dads. The delight that fathers bring to ones friends may be the cause of much pain to a daughter with a bad father. Seeing and hearing other girls talk highly of their dads brings upon a girl both bitterness and self-regret. “Why did God give me a dad like this one?”

Daughters who have had terrible dads and unhealthy father daughter relationships may find it difficult to believe there are good dads out there. They wonder how it would have been if dad was different – would we be in a better place in life?

Each father is the original benchmark for his daughter

It is a fact that children learn by living, then as adults live what they learnt. Any father is the “normal” father to a daughter; as she grows, she believes that all fathers are like her father.

Only later in life does she start to realize discrepancies, as she interacts with other children and hear stories about their own fathers. Even then, she will see the other fathers a being “different” from her own. She does not envisage her father as being different from the rest. She may, as a result, not recognise or accept that hers is an unhealthy father daughter relationship.

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Most daughters trust the views of their father

When he says you look great, there can be no question that you do. Afterall, dad has nothing to gain or lose by just being dad and speaking his mind. Consequently, a father who makes derogatory remarks about his daughter in her presence makes her feel inadequate as a female and embarrassed about herself. He is right; she does not meet the bar.

Most noteworthy, she may feel undesirable to men and ward off a man who really loves her because she feels he must be feigning. When a boyfriend says she is beautiful, she feels he is lying to take advantage of her, because of the (more authoritative) assertion of her dad that she is not pretty.

A father should never kid around with his daughters mind

It is therefore important that a father does not play mind games with his daughter. His utterances – especially those that touch on her sensuality – get deeply ingrained in her psyche. She can truly come to believe she is not beautiful and not worthy.

Through her childhood eyes, the girl keenly observes how her father-figure treats her mother, and uses that to create her own image of a man. While she approaches puberty and then teenage, she uses that image to make critical assumptions about relationships and to set her expectations of her future husband. Furthermore, if the relationship between her father-figure and her mother is violent and abusive, she develops fear of men and possibly a dislike of them.

Unfortunately these impulses are established in the subconscious, and when they play out in real life in later years, even she does not recognise the source of her feelings and attitudes towards men.

Step-by-step guide to fix unhealthy father daughter relationship

It is important for one to re-trace their past in order to understand what from that past may be having negative influences on the present. And having discovered the bad elements from the bad father-daughter relationship, to rise up in a strong way to overcome that yester trap. It’s a journey of psychology: father daughter relationships can be corrected and a daughter can re-establish her independence of mind. Yes, you can loosen the grip of your past on your present, but it requires alertness and purposeful action.

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