In many instances, a mother would likely know major issues facing her husband, which may not be obvious to the children. While a daughter may have the feeling that the father is irresponsible and aloof, a mother may know exactly what’s not going right in his life. A mother who purposes to bring her daughter closer to dad, can tilt the equation in favour of a strong bond.
A mother’s reconciliation role in father-daughter relationships
Visualise this: a daughter makes a request to dad to be present at her audition to join a professional group. Dad says he cannot make it, but offer no plausible reason. Daughter is distraught, almost feels the effort is not worth it. She starts developing self-doubt. Did dad decline because he does not believe I will succeed? Am I pursuing the right thing? Does he fear I will embarrass him?
A mother will likely sense this reaction by the daughter, whereas the father may have proceeded with his normal business. It is now upon the mother to take some action. First, she needs to fill in the gaps of knowledge that will make the daughter understand dad’s answer better.
Mum may already have details of dads engagement that will make the daughter go like, “oh! I completely misunderstood dad.” On the other hand, mum needs to work on dad. She should make it clear to him the hurt the daughter is undergoing; that he should do everything possible to attend the audition. Or that he should spend some time with the daughter explaining his unavailability.
Mother daughter relationship psychology vs. mother daughter gossip
However, in approaching either daughter or hubby, mum must exercise tact to ensure that no one misunderstands her intentions. Many dads abhor correction; especially by their wives. So she must approach the matter as a continuation of the father-daughter discussion, not as a correctional point of concern.
Daughters also know that mums do sometimes talk on behalf of dads. Or paraphrase what he said to make it more palatable, so a daughter may also reject mum’s consolation.
A mother must therefore be careful about the thin line between this mother daughter relationship psychology and mother daughter gossip!
What has your mother told you about your father in the past?
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