She’s feeling queasy and vomiting. She just knows……. I’m pregnant!

She wakes up one morning and realizes her monthly period has not come for two months. She’s feeling queasy and vomiting. She just knows……. I’m pregnant. If she were married and settled with the love of her life who she has known for five years or more, such a realization would most likely bring her joy. But not so for this college student in her 3rd year of university, whose boyfriend just told her he is relocating to the UK in the next two months. And there is sadly no mention from him of her going to join him there …

Why me?! she cries. It’s not the first time she has felt abandoned – he’s not her first boyfriend. Two others have gone their own way after getting into an intimate relationship with her. She thought it would solidify the relationship. It was supposed to, wasn’t it? Well……….it only caused it to falter and ultimately break, causing her deep pain.
I wish I could say this is not a common story, but that’s not true. Too many young people have bought into the lie that intercourse keeps relationships alive. It doesn’t. Except in marriage, where I like to refer to sensual relations as the glue that holds a committed relationship together. It’s the icing on the cake, the special exchange of love married couples share with one another. But outside of marriage, it is a power struggle, a bargaining tool, a manipulation to keep the relationship going. It doesn’t work. And time after time, young people experience the painful breakup of an intimate relationship. So why do they continue getting sensually involved?

Hope … Hope that THIS one will be different … Hope that THIS time I will be different. I’ll be a better lover, I’ll know what it takes to keep a man, or to keep a woman. But does anyone think about the “better” way, the way that the Lord God intended for relationships to be?

Let’s talk about this. God DOES have a plan, and it works. He is the designer of relationships. Read Genesis. Girl meets boy, boy meets girl, they start spending time together, they discover many things they mutually enjoy and things they like about each other. Finally they realize, this is the one! Let’s talk about it. And they do. With each other, their parents, their friends, and finally they set a date. And they are joined together, in front of parents, friends, family, and God. And THEN they receive the license to engage in promiscous relations, freely and without guilt.
His plan does NOT guarantee “happily ever after”. There are difficulties. The best of marriages go through growing pains. But when both parties are committed to make the marriage work, nothing can tear them apart. And the babies start coming. And these babies bring joy, hardship, pride, pain, laughter, suffering, and back to joy once again as life continues.

Not so with the single high school or college student, or career woman who wants to make something of herself before getting “tied down” by a husband and demanding children. A baby on the way brings all her dreams crashing down around her and two options face her. – She either goes for an abortion, which has its own set of tough side effects and consequences, or attempts to be a single mother because the father of the child has moved on without her. Single parenting has its joys as well, but those that are avoidable are always plagued by nagging thoughts of- what if I had waited … what if we had married first … what if…………?

Abstinence before marriage has become passé, the old-fashioned way of our grandparents. But pre-marital intimacy hasn’t made us any happier. Young people who are sensually active are missing the deep sense of fulfillment that comes with being a wife and mother, a husband and father. All the struggles they will go through in marriage pale in comparison to the pride and happiness they’ll experience of seeing their children grow, graduate and marry the person of their dreams.

My prayer is that one day, people will wake up and realize that old-fashioned values really DO work. Anything less is deception, a promise of pleasure that is short-lived and fraught with many painful consequences. And to those who are intimately active, I say STOP! Practice secondary virginity. You will be glad you did!


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